The Race is On!

Now that the Presidential Race is heating up it's time to swing by the Gift Shoppe and pick up a batch of buttons, bumper stickers and other political paraphenalia that reflects your feelings on this ballyhooed contest!

Beginning with bumper stickers, all of you John McCain fans will want to slap this one on your Olds, "McCain: Because sometimes you feel like a nut!"

Hillary fans might prefer this on their Saturn, "However, OTHER times you might be in the mood for somebody corrupt and thoroughly hateful!"

Some New Yorkers will want to display, "Rudy: A living, breathing argument for late-term abortion!"

Package deals include a set of two bumper stickers, depending on the outcome, political fans can either display" Don't blame me, I voted Republican," "Don't blame me, I voted Democrat," or, when it becomes obvious several months into the new Presidential term that no matter which corporate-financed candidate wins, once again, nothing has changed, "Don't blame me, I don't vote!"

Move Over E-Bay!

Since reading about the auction of items such as an empty cans of pet food from Paris Hilton's garbage on e-Bay, we here at the Gift Shoppe have decided to hold our own celebrity auction, however unlike e-Bay, we will be donating one hundred percent of the proceeds to the legal defense fund of repeated felony offender, Al Gore III, son, of the former Vice-President. And we won't be rummaging for items in celebrity garbage cans either!

Items for auction here at the Gift Shoppe include:

• A collection of t-shirts from the closet of Cynthia Rodriguez (née Scurtis), wife of famed Yankee slugger Alex, featuring risque witty sayings verboten for wear at her husband's place of employ. Just slap one of these on and watch the fun begin at your next PTA meeting, church bazaar, or civic group, as the members gasp and blush over such witticisms as, "Hey cocksucker!" and "Sick it up your cunt, bitch!"
• An exact replica of the scissors used by Beverly Hills stylist Joseph Torrenueva, while giving a $1250 haircut to Presidential Candidate, John Edwards! We can't guarantee you'll look as sharp as John, but at least you can be sure you'll have the right tool for the job!
• Fashionable headgear from the millinery collection of Ayman al-Zawahri, Al-Qaida's deputy leader. Smart-looking, timeless wraps dating back thousands of years, that are just the thing for today's trendsetter at the backyard barbecue or for those "business casual" days at the office. All headgear is 100% washable and drip-dry!

In the DVD Section...

Shop our DVD section from the latest blockbuster hits! New arrivals include the controversial documentary, "Uncle Thomases' Cabin," the inspiring story of how Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was scarred by the humiliation of having to grow up in a colored neighborhood, suffering the taunts of the neighborhood boys stemming from his spasdic attempts to hit open jumpers, and the ridicule of the girls for being the only boy in the neighborhood with a small penis, and how "Uncle" Thomas finally got his revenge on those boys and girls, by working hard to reverse the civil rights advances of the last several decades from his lofty perch on the Supreme Court.

Highlights from the latest compilation of "America's Funniest Home Bloopers" include the Dick Cheney hunting video, where the shitfaced VP mistakes his lawyer for a moose, Tom Cruise trying to squeeze into one of Katie's cocktail dresses, and Bill Gates phoning the Microsoft Technical Support Desk in New Delhi because Vista has crashed his PC again, and screaming obscenities at the earnest, but none-to-swift fellow on the other end of the line!

And finally the latest release from cable's "Blue Collar Comedy," in which "Larry the Cable Guy"nurtures stereotypes about minorities and women with his string of gut-busting one-liners, while the very nature of his comedy simultaneously implies equally hilarious stereotypes regarding the intelligence of working people.