Move Over E-Bay!

Since reading about the auction of items such as an empty cans of pet food from Paris Hilton's garbage on e-Bay, we here at the Gift Shoppe have decided to hold our own celebrity auction, however unlike e-Bay, we will be donating one hundred percent of the proceeds to the legal defense fund of repeated felony offender, Al Gore III, son, of the former Vice-President. And we won't be rummaging for items in celebrity garbage cans either!

Items for auction here at the Gift Shoppe include:

• A collection of t-shirts from the closet of Cynthia Rodriguez (née Scurtis), wife of famed Yankee slugger Alex, featuring risque witty sayings verboten for wear at her husband's place of employ. Just slap one of these on and watch the fun begin at your next PTA meeting, church bazaar, or civic group, as the members gasp and blush over such witticisms as, "Hey cocksucker!" and "Sick it up your cunt, bitch!"
• An exact replica of the scissors used by Beverly Hills stylist Joseph Torrenueva, while giving a $1250 haircut to Presidential Candidate, John Edwards! We can't guarantee you'll look as sharp as John, but at least you can be sure you'll have the right tool for the job!
• Fashionable headgear from the millinery collection of Ayman al-Zawahri, Al-Qaida's deputy leader. Smart-looking, timeless wraps dating back thousands of years, that are just the thing for today's trendsetter at the backyard barbecue or for those "business casual" days at the office. All headgear is 100% washable and drip-dry!